I really can't believe I'm planning Holt's first birthday and that he will be a year old on Sunday. It seems like yesterday we were struggling to make it through those early newborn days. I couldn't quit crying, (yes, you have to love those hormones) we weren't getting any sleep and what we did get was interrupted, and if we weren't changing a diaper, I was feeding Holt. It was just constantly doing something. Everyone tells you so many things when you have a baby, "enjoy the time, it goes fast" and "it does get better." These two words of advice are so true, but when you're in the "fog" it seems like time stands still and the world just continues to go on around you. Seriously, I remember our first trip to Target, it was a BIG moment!
My favorite memory that I can honestly laugh at now is when my father n law told me, "just give it 6 weeks, it will get better." I burst into more tears and really didn't know if I could make it 6 weeks, that sounded like forever! Holt cried every night for the first week from 7pm until 2 am. It really was a lot to handle, something every new parent can identify and sympathize with. I really struggled those first few weeks, being a new mom and not having a clue what I was doing, trying to breastfeed while Holt continued to lose weight, losing the "just the two of us" part of mine and Dan's relationship that we had cherished for 6 1/2 years, and not getting any sleep after a very long delivery, not to mention just the simple task of taking a shower was a 30 min ordeal after having a baby. These are the things that people can tell you about being a new parent but you don't get it until you go through it. I don't know what I would have done if I wouldn't have had such an amazing husband to lean on during that time, he truly was my saving grace.
Now, Holt is about to be a year old and it gets better every day. I think the 2 month mark was a turning point for us. Holt started sleeping majority of the night. We would put him to bed about 8 and he would sleep until 5 the next morning. His feedings had spread out a little and he was eating every 3-4 hours instead of every 2. We had finally adjusted to the new normal, not to say we still didn't miss the days of just jumping in the car to go somewhere, but we got used to planning more and our family seemed complete. We laugh about how our shoulders haven't relaxed since day 1 and we both have to mentally tell our shoulders to relax still, especially when we're out and Holt starts getting fussy, this is the new normal. Haha!
I didn't really think I would be emotional about Holt's first birthday but I have been. I guess I just think about how far we've come as parents and how I never knew you could love someone so much it just brings tears to your eyes and I would give my life for him. Holt hasn't felt good the past few days so he has been extra snuggly and has sat in my lap to read and sleep, something that I didn't take enough advantage of when he was small. I didn't take enough time to sit and hold him and just cherish him being that small and so dependent on me. I was just so overwhelmed that he was so dependent on me. Dan and I both were always saying, " I can't wait until he……". Now I know, I really should have enjoyed those days a little more, but it's so hard when everything is so new and different. Holt has got easier and he's much more independent now but I do miss my little "baby."
We are finally starting to see his little personality come through more every day and I can already tell, he will have me wrapped around his finger. He has that "look" that just makes me laugh and it's usually when he's doing something he isn't suppose to and I'm telling him no. We said for so long that we would probably never have children and I'm so thankful and glad that we changed our mind and that God blessed us with this precious little boy, our lives wouldn't have been complete without him. God is good.
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