I am sitting here at 6 in the morning typing this post, while letting my fingernails dry from the wet polish. Why am I painting my nails at 6 in the morning? O' yeah, because it's the only time I have to sit and let them dry and I know I won't be interrupted by a diaper change or some other motherly calling. This is just one of the many ways being a mom has changed me. Before I had Holt I definitely was the person that had a massage every 4 weeks, a microderm every two months, got my hair done usually every other month, and got a pedicure once a month. Hey, it was one of the perks of being in the beauty industry and I loved every minute of my pampering. Now, I can't tell you the last time I had a massage, or got a pedicure and I actually had to pay a ridiculous amount to have my hair done a few weeks ago. Seriously, I need to do hair here! The bad thing, I used the same products so I know how much they cost! I will say though, it was great to sit in a chair and let someone do whatever to my hair! It was total hairapy! Holt is now at the age where I can no longer go to the bathroom alone, much less take a shower without little eyes peeking around the curtain. Simple tasks like carrying groceries are so much more difficult, because not only are you carrying groceries, and a diaper bag, you have a squirming 11 month old on your hip. O' and if I'm out and need to go to the bathroom? Yep, Holt is sitting right on my lap!
I knew I would change when we had Holt but I guess I never knew just how much. I used to be such an introvert, yes I was introverted even though I was around people every day, who loved my quiet evenings at home with my husband and our 4 legged children. I mean sometimes we were in bed watching Dateline by 8pm on a Friday night. Now we're in bed by 8pm on a Friday night because we're both exhausted. I look back and realize that you really had to force us to leave the house once we got home from work in the evening. Now, I feel as though I'm completely different and have become much more extroverted. I guess having a little one forces you to step out of the box and meet new moms or you'll go crazy. Being at home with a baby that can't communicate can get lonely and you crave adult interaction. I recently went on a Mom's Night Out with 40 other moms and had such a great time. When I was getting ready that evening I really contemplated on not going, and if I hadn't have already payed for my ticket, I might have backed out, but I'm so glad I took the risk and went. I would have never gone somewhere that I wasn't sure if I was going to know anyone and just completely put myself out there. Thankfully, it was a great experience and it makes me much more open minded to do that more in the future.
Why are we, as women, afraid of putting ourselves out there and making new friends? Can't we all use a few more friends to share in life's experiences? It's because most women are so judgmental and we are all afraid of being judged. If there is anything I've learned in my days of mommy hood, it's you do whatever works for you and don't worry what other moms think or what the books say, every baby is different. Sometimes this kind of thing really gets on my nerves. "They say" meaning the books say, you're not suppose to do this and you're not suppose to do that. I am here and millions of other people are too and it was long before those books came out, so somehow we all survived. God did bless us with a motherly instinct for a reason, didn't he? Sorry to go on a little rampage, but sometimes we all need reminders that motherhood is hard enough without someone looking over your shoulder questioning everything you do, which makes you question it too.
These days I can't watch a baby commercial without thinking of Holt and get teary eyed. Have you seen those Johnson and Johnson commercials? I know I'm not the only one that does this. I watch the news about parents who have lost their children and it's almost more than I can handle. How does a parent ever recover from losing a child? I just don't get it and pray that I never have to. If you don't have children you always think about how horrible this would be, but once you have them you totally get it and it takes it to a whole new level. I always tell Dan how lucky we are to have Holt and how lucky we are that he is healthy. I know so many couples that would give anything for that or friends that have so much trouble getting pregnant and just long for a baby. I count my blessings every day and thank God even when those days are long and tough.
I follow this one little boy's story on Facebook that a tree branch fell on him while he was at daycare one day and he has severe brain damage. It's a miracle that he is still here. I read his mom's post about how his days and nights go and I just can't help but think what would I do if that were us? It makes me want to put Holt in a bubble and never be without him. Being a mom just puts you into mother bear mode that I would never have understand without Holt.
Some days being a mom makes me feel a little crazy and then Holt does something that is so sweet or just makes me laugh and I try to remember not to look at the things that I miss or days that seem to go on forever because they are hard, but to slow down and just enjoy the small things and cherish those moments. I recently read another mom's blog about her 6 month old little boy. She posted about how he's smiling and laughing out loud now, those are the small things that sometimes I forget to cherish. I love to see Holt smile and I love to tickle him and hear his little laugh. I love to hear him chuckle at the dogs when they lick him or when he sees another baby on the television. He really is such a joy and it's so obvious when I see other people look at him and smile. He never meets a stranger, waves to everyone we see and always brings a smile to those around. I am so thankful that God made me a mom, and Holt's mom on top of that.
